Welcome my wonderful compatriots to the first of possibly many posts at the 2nd Floor Commons. Today I’ll be introducing you to the music video breakdown. Now if you are like me, you occasionally look up music videos and spend the whole time thinking how stupid/implausible/unintentionally hilarious the video is. If you aren’t like me, then this will give you a wonderful trip into the mind of an idiot who just likes laughing at famous people. Today’s victim: Katy Perry and her music video for the hit song, “Roar”. I was going to do “Wrecking Ball” but that just seemed too easy. Follow along on the video and I’ll note my thoughts below. I have not actually seen the video prior to this posting.
0:03 – “A Motion Theory Adventure Filmed in Junglescope”. I’ve seen a lot of Katy Perry music videos. I may have a slight obsession with Katy Perry. This seems like par for the course in that I’m already confused as to what is going on.
0:09 – I was very worried until now that this was going to be a cartoon and I was going to miss out on the requisite Katy Perry cleavage. I would have deleted the entire post immediately.
0:17 – Two things. One, I would like to believe that the duckface selfie is making fun of the whole stupid duckface selfie thing, but one can never be sure. Two, HOW DID THESE TWO SURVIVE A PLANE CRASH IN THE JUNGLE WITH NO INJURIES!? THEIR CLOTHES ARE TORN, BUT THEY DON’T HAVE EVEN A SCRATCH!? THIS IS TOO EARLY IN A VIDEO FOR MY DISBELIEF TO BE UN-SUSPENDED!
0:21 – Needs more cleavage.
0:28 – This guy may seem way too excited after a plane crash, but let’s remember that conceivably he and Katy Perry are stranded together for the foreseeable future. I would probably be dancing around taking pictures too. I probably would never call for help. I’M OUT OF MINUTES KATY, NOW LET’S HUDDLE TOGETHER FOR WARMTH!!!
0:33 – Is this a breakup song? I’ve never actually heard any word other than “Tiger” and “Roar” before this. Does that mean these two were together before this? Is he the pilot? Did like a ton of other people die before this? Lots of unanswered questions here.
0:37 – Guy comes to the same conclusion I did above and tosses phone away.
0:40 – Well shit, that escalated quickly. Also, Tigers don’t live in the jungle, do they? Aren’t they in like Siberia?
0:49 – Katy is handling this loss surprisingly well.
0:57 – No lie I would shit my pants if a tarantula was on me. Crocodile biting at my hand, okay we can get past that. Crawly, hairy spider chilling on my arm? GET ME OUTTA HERE!
1:11 – Katy appearing to adapt very quickly. Probably should go back and grab the dude’s phone, but nah let’s sit here and gawk at some lightning bugs for a minute.
1:42 – I did not expect for her to actually continue to sit with the lightning bugs for that long, but to each his or her own.
1:54 – AWWWW YEEEAAAHHHH!!!
1:56 – So far we have an elephant, a monkey, a crocodile, a tarantula and a tiger. Are these animals all indigenous to one area? Like it’s probably Africa, but why is Katy Perry flying over Africa? I can’t think of any possible location I would want to go to and from where Africa would be in the middle.
1:58 – AWWW YEEEAAAHHHH!!!
1:59 – Katy appears to be making several very poor life choices in this video. A crocodile has more than enough biting power to bite your damn hand off, Katy. You can’t conceivably be holding his mouth open with one hand.
2:03 – THAT ELEPHANT JUST BECAME AN AMERICAN HERO!!!
2:12 – The cave drawings depict a bunch of men shooting arrows at a tiger. Why would people be doing cave drawings after the invention of the bow? I’m pretty sure they’ve learned how to use paper by now. (Note: Not in any way a person that knows history)
2:16 – I approve of this wardrobe change.
2:35 – Katy, you clearly had a bad relationship with dude that was eaten by a tiger, but I think you’re taking it a bit too far. I mean, I think you’re plenty tough without just deciding to live in a jungle to prove it to me. You should probably go get that phone…
2:52 – THE BLUE AND YELLOW MACAW IS ONLY FOUND IN SOUTH AMERICA! ELEPHANTS DO NOT LIVE IN SOUTH AMERICA! THIS VIDEO NEEDS SOME MAJOR FACT-CHECKING!
3:12 – My words have failed me.
3:26 – KITTY PURRY!!! LIKE HER NAME!!! DO YOU GET IT!?!?
3:42 – WHAT THE SHIT, KATY!? YOU HAD A PHONE ALL THIS TIME!?
3:51 – Katy undercutting her strength and perseverance by making lipstick out of berries and painting an elephant’s toenails. Way to bounce right back to the gender stereotypes, Katy.
4:02 – IT WAS ALL A DREAM, I USED TO READ WORD UP MAGAZINE!
4:09 – Oh. I overreacted there. Why would Katy sleep sitting up?
4:19 – Someone should probably go find her, I’m pretty sure she should be on tour or something.
4:30 – Jokes aside this is a pretty addicting song, and the video has featured an acceptable amount of cleavage. I have no regrets.
So there you have it ladies and gents. My impressions of Katy Perry’s “Roar”. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to watch every other Katy Perry music video I can find. ARIVEDERCI!