A Love Letter to Walter Goggins

Hey Walter,

I remember when we first met, it was the first season of Justified and you stood out to me more anyone, even more than my second favorite Olyphant(this will always be my favorite Oliphant http://images.wikia.com/lotr/images/0/0f/Oliphant_RE_Animal_Rides-s1280x960-96816.jpg). You were the best part of that show by leaps and bounds, and though the gap has closed as that show as went on, you will always be my favorite. I gushed about you being awesome to Chris multiple times. You play crazy so well. You have the best voice. Walter, you maybe the best most under used and underrated actor in the world right now. You were perfect in Lincoln, so perfect I forgot how much I loved Boyd Crowder. You played a glorious hate monger in Django Unchained. You hated so well in it that I forgot Boyd’s tolerance. You made it satisfying to watch one of my favorite actors die. Walter, do you know hard that is to do? It’s like rooting for your favorite team to lose. You were always very good, Walt then you did something beyond very good. You did the best bit of TV acting I’ve ever seen. The way you played a transvestite named Venus on Sons of Anarachy is the single best of TV acting I can remember. It meant from a pop because I recognized you to being memorized by how good every story arc involving Venus was. This character could have been so terrible, you made it phenomenal. It was better than  Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad, it was better than Jon Hamm in Mad Men, and it ground Kevin Spacey in House of Cards into the dust. Everyone needs to watch the performance in the latest episode of SOA. It is beyond compression, and it plays through incredibly adult themes. You do it effortlessly. Thank you Walter one day the world might appreciate you the way I do.

The Big NFL Prediction Review

Hey guys, I figure it’s good idea to talk about all the cool stuff that happened last NFL Sunday while at the same time keeping Tony, Jordan, and I accountable for our dog shit gambling advice. It also gives me the chance to pick the sexy Thursday night shit show game.

SF(-15.5)vs. JAX IN LONDON!!!!!

Result: SF 42 JAX 10.

Whelp, they covered that giant point line. They didn’t pass to run up the score and they didn’t need to as they literally ran up the score(zing). Collin Kaepernick had day, good work Kaepernickerbocker fantasy owners. Sorry we did that to you Londoners but get used to Jacksonville soon they’ll be all yours.

Tony 0-1 Jon 0-1 Jordan  1-0

DAL@ DET(-3)

Tony Romo covered and the cowboys didn’t win. It was good day. There was also that weird Dez Bryant Jason Witten fight on the sidelines that Demarcus Ware mediated. I would stop yelling things at people if Demarcus Ware touched me. Calvin Johnson continues to be better than everyone.

Tony 0-2 Jon 1-1 Jordan 2-0

CLE @ KC(7-5)

Result: KC 23 CLE 17

Jason Campbell came in a played well, as he has for most of his career. Expect him to get benched and name called by the coach next week because that poor man has no luck. I don’t know why we think KC is the worst 8-0 in history, they have an amazing defense and play within their offensive talent. They might be boring but the way they win is sustainable.

Tony 1-2 Jon 2-1 Jordan 3-0

MIA @ NE(-7)

Result: NE 27 MIA 17

Miami looked really good and then promptly remembered how limited their talent was and chose to ignore their best offensive option against New England in order to have Tannehill chuck it 42 times at 52 percent accuracy. They did this while their lead running back averaged 5 yards a carry. Bilichick continued to cement his stance of hating people having fun by persisting to fuck Steven Ridley fantasy owners.

Tony 2-2 Jon 3-1 Jordan 3-1

BUF @ NO (-11.5)

Result NO 35 BUF 17

Thad Lewis left on the first play Billes offensive play on a fumble making everyone fear they were in for another episode of Tuel Time. Thankfully, he returned to fumble again. Other than the turnovers Thad Lewis did well for a Thad Lewis, but Drew Brees did Drew Bress things on the way to 5 TD passes.

Tony 2-3 Jon 3-2 Jordan 3-2

NYG @ PHI(-5)

Result NYG 15 PHI y

/Vomits. Please go away Matt Barkley you are no answer to any question other than who is not a competent quarterback. Good work Josh Brown fantasy owners though

Tony 2-4 Jon 4-2 Jordan 3-3

NYJ @ CIN(-6.5)

Result: CIN 49 NYJ 9

So, Marvin Jones turns out to be a fantasy hero for that guy that was in last place with everyone hurt and had start somebody, good for you that guy, for shame on anyone throwing away their free agent budget on him currently. By the way, Andy Dalton had as many TDs as Drew Brees last week. Some bad fantasy owner in Cinci just won by 100.

Tony 2-5 Jon 5-2 Jordan 4-3

WASH @ DEN(-13)

Result: DEN 45 WASH 21

No one wanted the football and continued to throw it to each other. Some how Denver scored 45, which was more than enough to cover. RG part 3 didn’t look great and WASH refused to hand it off to a guy getting 5.5 yards a carry. It was an ugly looking game.

Tony 3-5 Jon 5-3 Jordan 5-3

ATL @ AZ(-2)

Result: AZ 27 ATL 13

Andre Ellington averaged over 10 yard per carry. That defense sure is great in ATL. Bright spot though, Harry Douglas is putting up numbers.

Tony 4-5 Jon 5-4 Jordan 5-4

GB @ MIN (-9.5)

Result: GB 44 MIN 31

Aaron Rodger played one the best games of his career and Jordy Nelson made everyone forget how dismally injured the Packers’ receiving core is. All of this happened against one of the worst secondaries in football. Eddie Lacy persists to be a big scary animal.

Tony 4-6 Jon 5-5 Jordan 6-4

SEA(-12) @ STL

Result: SEA 14 STL 9

Kellen Clemens played against the best defense in the game and it went about as well that sounds like it would go. Zach Stacy and the St. Louis defense kept this game closer than it needed to be and actually kept them ahead until Golden Tate gave SEA the come from behind win.

Tony 5-6 Jon 6-5 Jordan 6-5

Thursday Shit Show Prediction

Cinci(-3) @ MIA

Pick:Cinci

Miami will certainly shoot themselves in the foot again and The Bengals looked mighty fine last week against a team that is comparable to the Dolphins.  I hope Marvin Jones goes catchless to punish you overzealous fantasy players.

Weird Game Monday on a Tuesday: Thomas Was Alone

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I like linear stories more than I like an open world. For all of the creativity an open world offers I don’t think it’s why we play things. We play games like Thomas Was Alone to learn something and feel something. This game is one of the best stories I have got to experience. I’m not saying story, as in story of a video game, I’m saying story of anything I’ve experienced, movie, TV show, book, comic, a drunk guy yelling at me, this was at the very top. It did all of this with no conversation between characters, only about 25ish (I’m really guessing there and I’m probably way off) bits of voice acted exposition narrating, and 10 quotes from fictional characters. The gameplay had no real barring into anything but solving a puzzle. The characters didn’t get hurt from you jumping, which is all you can do mechanics wise, you jump in different ways. They didn’t get jealous about someone standing near another shape. They just followed what you said to do and plopped into the portal while you waited to be told about how they felt about everything. Some how despite having a complete lack of intricacy this carried me through a series of overwhelming emotions. Continue reading

Movies For Bored People: Sleepwalk With Me

What’s up chumps, chumpettes, drummers, and drumettes? I’m going to do something a little different with this week. When I came up this idea all those last week ago I envisioned just writing about about terrible action movies and comedies I found randomly on Netlfix or Amazon and telling to watch them because they are fun as fuck. They remain fun as fuck, and I’ll probably write about more of them at some point but something really important happened last week. I saw a picture on Facebook. In a shocker it wasn’t a mostly naked chick or dude taking a shirtless mirror selfie, it was a picture that Mike Birbigilia shared from the La Quinita Inn he jumped out of in 2005. (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151737141388310&set=a.65495703309.74163.7064128309&type=1&theater) The hotel had placed a placard there stating this was the room he jumped out of and inspired his movie, “Sleepwalk With Me”. How could I ignore that? A comedian I find funny has movie and it includes him jumping out of a window, sign me up twice.

Continue reading

Looking At the Week

Hey readers, friends, and confused bystanders this is where we will all the super cool things that are going to be happening this week. After reading this you won’t even have to think, you just have to obey what we said in order to have the coolest week you’ve ever.

Jon: Basketball starts tomorrow. Real basketball, that counts, not the basketball about telling people, “Maybe next year, enjoy that sweet sweet D League” . It’s that magical time of the year when my unreasonable expectations for the Milwaukee Bucks don’t seem completely asinine just mostly asinine. I like the begining of every long season. It is super fun until we all get bored with it. So enjoy these tender moments that basketball is awesome. You probably won’t care again until the play offs.

Chris: There is only one thing you need to prepare your eyeballs for this week: the trailer for X-Men: Days of Future Past. It could quite possibly be one of the most ambitious superhero adaptations ever attempted (even more so than Marvel establishing its cinematic universe). It brings back the original cast and the original director, throw in time travel, mutant hunting robots, Richard Nixon and only the good cast members from X-Men: First Class, and baby, you’ve got a stew going. A small ten second-teaser was released last week, but if there is one thing I abhor (and I abhor many things), it’s teasers for teasers. So be on the internet around 8 a.m. CT this Thursday to get a taste for one of next summer’s most anticipated films.

Brian: Ender’s Game will be released to bring in November – because that make’s a whole lot of sense. Ender’s Game the movie is actually based off the book of the same name, luckily the two seem to be in sync as far as plot goes. Look in to a future world where Earth has been attacked by an alien race known as “buggers.” Earth’s forces have consolidated their efforts in to the International Fleet; consisting of battle trained children in Harrison Ford’s Battle School. Ender is believed to be the only child alive who has the capacity to defeat the alien race, and Ford get’s to train him. Check in on Saturday to see how well the movie and book match up, and ultimately if the movie is worth watching.

Jordan: If you’re like me, then you won’t have time for any of the above as you’ll be playing Assassins Creed 4, which comes out on Tuesday. Supposedly we find out what happens to Desmond and HOLY SHIT WE GET TO BE A PIRATE ASSASSIN SO I WILL MAKE EIGHTEEN JOKES ABOUT RUM BY SATURDAY! I’m looking forward to the inevitable ninja assassin coming next year. For the first person shooter fans too impatient to wait for Call of Duty, you can also get a quick fix with Tuesday’s release of Battlefield 4.

Tony: I’ll be tweeting ambiguous bullshit and probably playing a ton of Backyard Baseball 2003.  I highly recommend you do the same.