Announcing Yuletide TV: 2013 Edition

I am happy to announce that for the the second year in a row I will be embarking on a 25 day quest to recap some of the greatest christmas episodes of all time. From Dec. 1–Dec. 25 I will be traversing every genre imaginable to examine how Christmas is brought to life, celebrated, and in some cases, reviled.

I will be following roughly the same format as last year. There will be no Rudolph or Charlie Brown present in my list. Instead, I will be focusing on those episodes that could stand on their own alongside those Christmas specials as perennial holiday classics.

Throughout the year I have been meticulously making notes for possible series and episodes to include in this year’s countdown. I knew finding another 25 Christmas episodes wouldn’t be an issue, but could I come up with 25 completely different series? Happily, the answer is yes. There will be double-down’s this year, so even though I loved visiting Point Place and Greendale Community College last year, this year leads to new adventures.

However, as a way to get ready for the new year, I have collected all of last year’s posts below in order of when they were posted. Pick and choose at your leisure and get ready for tomorrow!

Yuletide TV: 2012 Edition

1. Saved by the Bell, “Home for Christmas (Parts 1 & 2)”

2. Clone High, “Snowflake Day: A Very Special Holiday Episode”

3. That 70’s Show, “An Eric Foreman Christmas”

4. The Inbetweeners, “Xmas Party”

5. Dorm Life, “Finals”

6. Recess, “Yes Mikey, Santa Does Shave”

7. Batman: The Animated Series, “Christmas with the Joker”

8. X-Men, “Have Yourself a Morlock Little X-mas”

9. Futurama, “X-mas Story”

10. South Park, “It’s Christmas in Canada”

11. American Dad!, “Rapture’s Delight”

12. Band of Brothers/The Pacific, “Bastogne/Battle of Guadalcanal/Leckie”

13. M*A*S*H, “Death Takes a Holiday”

14. Cheers, “Christmas Cheers”

15. Home Improvement, ” ‘Twas the Flight Before Christmas”

16. Spin City, “Miracle Near 34th Street”

17. Scrubs, “My Own Personal Jesus”

18. Saturday Night Live, “Steve Martin/Alec Baldwin/Justin Timberlake”

19. Top Gear, “Vietnam Special”

20. Smallville, “Lexmas”

21. Misfits, “Christmas Special (Episode Seven)”

22. How I Met Your Mother, “Symphony of Illumination”

23. Mad Men, “Christmas Comes but Once a Year”

24. Community, “Comparative Religion”

25. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: “Deck the Halls”

Tomorrow: The real fun gets underway!

The Who Before the What – My Prequel to the Doctor Who Special

Doctor Who fans have had a really good week – I speculate many nerd-gasms necessitated new pants in the internet community. Over the last weekend fans who couldn’t attend Comic Con finally got to see footage for “The Day of the Doctor” (the 50th anniversary special premiering on 11/23), and it was glorious. Today, BBC released a “Day of the Doctor” prequel titled “The Night of the Doctor,” which necessitates its own breakdown and analysis of sorts. Combined, the two equal a moderately long article here in the commons. As much as I’d love to write the order of my thoughts in a wibbly-wobbly ball, I should really keep things linear so that you can follow along (which isn’t fun at all). None the less, let’s begin at the beginning with the extended Doctor Who “The Day of The Doctor” trailer impression.

HIMYM Recap: “Platonish”

When do you consider something a retread and when do you see at a necessary rehash of past events to provide greater understanding for the present? That is the question at the center of last night’s HIMYM as the show takes a break from Farhampton to head back to the bar and revisist the Ted-Robin-Barney love triangle. Have we been here before? Yes, but as a Ted-Robin shipper, it’s an important flashback as the show continues to distance itself from the relationship that started the story in the first place, and transitions to the one that will close the story.

Song of the Day: Next – “Too Close”

The year is 1998. The economy is doing well and Bill Clinton is happily banging interns. The Drew Carrey Show is on TV and is actually something that people watched and enjoyed. 1998 was a simpler time. Life was carefree. Life was good. Life was free. Life was freely good. One of the songs that made it to the top of the charts in 1998 was “Too Close” by the R&B group Next.

SO YOU’RE SPORTS GAMBLING HUH!?!?: NFL Week 10 Picks

Hello again gamblers/bored readers/definitely-not-an-FBI-agent. Seriously, are you a cop? You have to tell us if you are. If you’ve been following along, you know that our week 9 picks were much better than our week 8 picks. This is what the gambling community like to call a “trend”. That means if you continue to do everything we say you will undoubtedly do even better this week! Seriously! DO EVERYTHING WE SAY! SEND US $5,000 IN NON-SEQUENTIAL BILLS AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS!!!! Trust us, it will go well for you. Or us. I can’t always remember which. To the picks:

Album Review: Eminem’s “The Marshall Mathers LP 2”

Eminem’s most recent album “The Marshall Mathers LP 2” is a very difficult album to review for me. Eminem is not an evolving artist, his style hasn’t drastically changed over the years, if it has at all, but it does fluctuate between the serious hard-hitting rhymes and the jokester “Slim Shady” persona that bags on celebrities and jokes about drugs, mental illness and death. If MMLP2 has one great failing, it is that Eminem doesn’t seem to know what he wants this album to be.

You win last weekend or nah? Gamble recap

Remember Jon’s recap last week?  This is that, pretty much.

Jon missed on the Thursday game, and all other games because he was busy with plans or something.  THE BIG 0-13 DAWGS!!  Eat it up.

Atlanta @ CAROLINA (-7.5)

Result: ATL 10 CAR 34

Moar like DAMN!(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwXl6r5Eu58) Newton, amirite?  This blowout was a product of Atlanta’s offense being woefully (I originally typed whoafully, and I liked it more, so I’m going to start using that) thin and seeing like 3 guys miss the game.  The team was not built to survive injuries to the line, and they’re roasted because of it.  Carolina’s also been playing really well recently and could sneaks into the playoffs like Gollum sneaksing into Mordor.

Tony: 0-1 Jordan: 1-0 Jon: Where I is?

Kansas City (-4) @ BUFFALO

Result: KC 23 BUF 13

I jestfully suggested the Chiefs would cover the line by scoring 3 safeties AND I WAS SORT OF RIGHT!!! Their defense scored 2 touchdowns in this one to beat the Bills offense by themselves.  They covered because who the hell doesn’t score 3 field goals anymore?  Buffalo is quietly a very decent football team upon the return of E.J. Manuel, assuming E.J. Manuel is in fact “””good” “at” “sportz”””.  We’ll see.

Tony: 1-1 Jordan:2-0 Jon: Innit 4 da lulz

Minnesota @ DALLAS (-9.5)

Result: MIN 23 DAL 27

Adrian Peterson is a bronze God.  Adrian Peterson is the type of man where if your girlfriend cheated on you for him… you’d humbly agree.  He scored a touchdown in this game after having been literally lifted off the ground by a defender.  Also Dallas isn’t good.  That’s the thing I always seem to forget.  Dallas is bad.

Tony: 1-2 Jordan: 2-1 Jon: Not even a participation trophy

Tennesse (-3) @ ST. LOUIS

Result: TEN 28  STL 21

How u, Jake Locker? U bad?  U bad Jake Locker?  U play bad?  U play bad Jake?  Did you play poorly, Jake Locker?  You did.  You played poorly.  You were very effective in handing off the ball to Chris Johnson, and that was enough to overcome the whirlwind of fart noises that Kellen Clemens calls in the huddle.

Tony: 2-2 Jordan: 3-1 Jon: Ain’t even mad yet

New Orleans (-6.5) @ NEW YORK JETS

Result NO 20 NYJ 26

I can’t begin to describe to you why this happened.

Tony: 2-3 Jordan: 3-2 Jon: Probably would have picked the Saints too

San Diego (-1) @ WASHINGTON (Also -1)

Result: SD 24  WAS 30 (in OT)

What do you know, the ambiguous line game went into OT?  And just as we predicted, Washington ran 3 fullback dives despite having Alfred Morris as their running back for 3 touchdowns.  That fullback was probably added in like 3% of fantasy leagues this week and he’ll never see a helmet again.  I once drafted a RB for the Broncos named Quentin Griffin in the 3rd round of a fantasy football draft (reached by a mile.  I was 13.  Leave me alone).  In his debut he ran for 150+ and 3 touchdowns.  He was replaced after his 2nd game.  Lesson: Mike Shanahan has always been a cunt.

Tony: 3-3 Jordan: 4-2 Jon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrPosTPSXxw

Philadelphia @ OAKLAND (-2)

Result: PHI 49 OAK 20

Oakland had Philly right where they wanted them until the Terrelle Pryor pain train went off its tracks and left the game was an injured knee.  Then, and only then, Philly was able to make a late game run and rack up the points.  They ate that spread like it was on a bagel.  They ate that spread like it was a family brunch.  I played against Nick Foles in a fantasy league.

Tony: 3-4 Jordan: 5-2 Jon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkKYNwYBYrs

Tampa Bay @ SEATTLE (-15)

Result: TB 24 SEA 27 (in OT)

15 is a lot of points, although had I known Russell Westbrook would be back so quickly I might have picked Seattle.

Tony: 4-4 Jordan: 5-3 Jon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtOckG5tNhc

Baltimore (-1) @ CLEVELAND

Baltimore 18  Cleveland 24

Joe Flacco will make you pay for betting agains… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OH MY GOD HE SUCKS!! The best part is, this is what he does! A quarterback went 24-41 for 250 yards — who was it??  Of course it was Joe Flacco!  Of course it was!  The 2nd most expensive quarterback in the league got beat by the guy the Cleveland Browns determined to be their 3rd best quarterback.  Cleveland hasn’t even had 3 mediocre QB’s since 1999.  It’s all been bad.  That’s how shitty Joe Flacco is.

Tony: 5-4 Jordan: 5-4 Jon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESkHp0Ra-2c

Pittsburgh @ NEW ENGLAND (-6)

Result: PIT 31 NE 55

This game pitted 2 guys against each other who might not be able to spell their last names with Roethlisberger and Gronkowski.  Gronkowski’s not a rapist.  Statutory rape doesn’t count.  Gronkowski went for 143 yards against Roethlisberger’s will, and despite Roffleblocker’s best efforts, he just couldn’t erase the stigma of being accused of rape multiple times.  Who cares about the game?  Roethlisberger’s a shithead.

Tony: 6-4  Jordan: 6-4  Jon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqajUg85Ax4

Indianapolis (-1) @ HOUSTON

Result: IND 27 HOU 24

Did you question it?  Because there was a shit ton of money to be made if you didn’t.  Also, this game was incredibly uncomfortable to watch.  Andrew Luck was the shits and Case Keenum was the shit.  Indy might not be good.  Also, they might have just played a poor game in adjusting to Reggie Wayne’s absence.  What do I look like?  A rocket surgeon?  Shut up.

Tony: 7-4 Jordan: 7-4 Jon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WP4dxXEGrkk

Chicago @ GREEN BAY (-10.5)

Result: CHI 27  GB 20

Aaron Rodgers jogging to the locker room is going to be a cinema for a fatality in the next Mortal Kombat.  The game was over after that.  Everything I love dies.

Tony: 7-5 Jordan: 8-4 Jon: 0-13

Cumulative:  Tony 12-11 Jordan: 14-9 Jon: I don’t know what to put here.

 

THURSDAY PICK

Washington (-2.5) @ MINNESOTA

Thursday games suck for gambling.  I’m picking Washington because there are two ways to gamble on Thursday games.  Either you take the home team, or you take the points.  Minnesota is both the home team, as well as the team receiving the points.  That means I’m going with Washington, because I’m never right about Thursday games.

Song of the Day: Eminem – “Love Game” (feat. Kendrick Lamar)

Well hi there ladies and gentlemen! It’s been a tough week so far, but hell, you’re over halfway through and the weekend is waiting patiently for you to enjoy the shit out of it! Today I’m here to provide you with a song that will help you push through the last two days of work/school/responsibilities/looking-for-pants-so-that-you-can-answer-the-door-because-the-pizza-man-is-here! Our song today is “Love Game” by Eminem featuring Kendrick Lamar from Eminem’s new album “The Marshall Mathers LP 2”. (Maybe don’t listen to this if you are offended by profanity, but then you probably are on the wrong blog anyways).

The Return of Coach in New Girl’s “Coach!”

After watching the pilot episode for New Girl I thought Coach was my favorite character. He had a certain charisma about him that made me think he was going to be a perfect fit between Nick and Schmidt. Obviously, after the pilot episode we got Winston, which created a jarring feeling at the time. Although Winston was a good alternative to Coach, there was something about Coach not being around that was inherently disappointing. Now Coach is back! Everyone can celebrate the happy ending that is Coach returning to New Girl. Honestly though, I don’t know if I enjoyed this episode as much as I could have. I don’t want to dive in and pick at the little things that are bothering me, but I’m going to.

Song of the Day: Human Nature

What do you know about me? I’m a generous Uncle Clucker. One cover of Human Nature? Shut up. You get Michael performing the original.  You get Alicia Keys popping the lyrics to fit whatever awesome situation she’s in. You get Boyz II Men BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WANT THEM! You love Mario as much as I do? No? Don’t be greedy, let me share with you. You want Stevie Wonder playing it on a harmonica at Glastonbury? Who do you think I am? You don’t even need to ask. You got it!!

It’s well known that Michael Jackson, Alicia Keys, Boyz II Men, Mario, and Stevie Wonder are majestic love song birds who bring my tear ducts to their knees. But John Mayer? I always thought John Mayer was like a Streisand, but he rocks the shit in this one. I’m no huge John Mayer fan as an artist because I’m well past the body image issues I dealt with when I was a 14 year old girl. I am, however, a white person.  John Mayer happens to be playing an electric guitar. Nah fur eel doe, that was a classy cover of the best song ever written (according to some guy I knew) and I felt like if you had a case of the Mondays, you’d still have a case of the Mondays after listening. Music doesn’t control your mood, it’s a reflection of it, you jabroni.

Love,
Tony